Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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