he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He passed out mid-signature
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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