someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
