I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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