i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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