first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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