For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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