Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize