I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
