YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
