I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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