Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
