I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
