ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
