all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
