mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
