Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think i have two assholes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
