Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
