She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
