You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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