very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I just sharted jello shots
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