Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
COCAINE IS GR8
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
