I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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