If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
