she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
