I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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