i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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