just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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