He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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