We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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