Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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