I just saw a hot homeless man
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
