so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
