and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
