people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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