let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
