I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
