You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
