you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
