woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize