hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
