We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
