The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
