Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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