there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
