i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
