angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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