ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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