I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
