The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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