We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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