Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry about my life...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
