We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
