yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
