it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
