after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
