After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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