He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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