Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
