And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
where does the pee come out of this thing
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
