"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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