I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish I only lived at night.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
