Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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