a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
