Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
