I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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