spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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