those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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