his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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