...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
