And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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