New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
