i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
